Letting Go

Letting Go 

Think not that I still, when making tea,

Take two cups out; one for you, one for me.

Think not that I lose myself, in your hair,

Each time I find a strand so fair.

Think not that I, when homeward bound,

Check the window, hoping you'll be found.

Think not that I reach out, in the night,

To feel your touch, or hold you tight.

Think not that I miss, our morning embrace,

Or the way you brightened my waking face.

Think not that I climb, the stairs with glee,

Expecting you to reply, when I say "hello" to thee.

Think not that I, through old photos, wade,

In search of moments, for which I've stayed.

Think not that my heart races, when someone I see,

That looks like you, but is not meant to be.

Think not that I wander, through places so fair,

Hoping to find you, waiting there.

Think not that I miss you, for it cannot be;

In truth, I've set you free.

Crime and Punishment: A Review

I find myself in love with the art of writing, yet I confess I do not indulge in the act of reading nearly as much as I should. It's a curious thing, really. Each time I immerse myself in a book, I am left feeling invigorated and enlightened. The experience is never a letdown, for it always manages to bestow upon me some valuable insight. I tried the classic, Crime and Punishment, and was struck by its pertinence to contemporary existence. It's hard to believe that this masterpiece, crafted in the mid-nineteenth century, still speaks volumes to our modern-day lives.

The main character in Crime and Punishment, Raskolnikov, is a complex and tortured figure whose actions and thoughts are shaped by a number of internal and external factors. While the circumstances surrounding his life are unique, there are aspects of his story that can resonate with many people. In particular, his feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion may be relatable to anyone who is hiding a secret.

Raskolnikov is a character who is both driven and conflicted. His desire to prove himself as an extraordinary individual leads him to commit a murder, and while he initially feels that this action is justified, he is ultimately tormented by his guilt. His struggle to come to terms with his actions is compounded by his poverty, isolation, and sense of alienation from the world around him. These factors contribute to a deep sense of despair, as he tries to reconcile his own values with those of the society in which he lives.

Similarly, someone with a secret to hide may feel a similar sense of conflict and confusion. This person may feel torn between their feelings for their partner and their desire to be with someone else. They may experience feelings of guilt and shame, as well as a sense of isolation and alienation from the people around them. These feelings can be compounded by a sense of pressure from society to conform to traditional values and norms.

Like Raskolnikov, someone in this situation may also experience a sense of despair as they struggle to reconcile their own desires with the expectations of the world around them. They may feel trapped and powerless, unable to express their true feelings or pursue the life they want to live. They may also feel as though they are alone in their struggle, unable to share their feelings with others for fear of judgment or rejection.

Despite these challenges, both Raskolnikov and anyone in this situation may find hope in their ability to take responsibility for their actions and make positive changes in their lives. By acknowledging their feelings and taking steps to address them, they can begin to find a sense of peace and fulfilment. This may involve seeking therapy or counselling, talking to trusted friends or family members, or even ending a relationship if it is not fulfilling their needs.

Ultimately, the story of Crime and Punishment offers a powerful message of redemption and the possibility of finding meaning and purpose in life, even in the face of overwhelming challenges. While the circumstances surrounding Raskolnikov's life are extreme, his journey can offer insights and inspiration to anyone who is struggling to come to terms with their own desires and values. By embracing their true selves and taking action to live a more authentic life, they can find the peace and fulfilment they seek.

The Cemetery Chronicles: Personal Reflections on Northamptonshire's Graveyards - #1 London Road Cemetery, Kettering

#1 London Road Cemetery, Kettering

As a deep-thinking introvert, I have always found solace and tranquillity amidst the peaceful serenity of graveyards. During the toughest times in my life, a long walk through a cemetery has always been my refuge, helping to clear my mind, ease my anxiety, and reduce my stress. Being surrounded by the graves of so many departed souls provides me with a sense of perspective, reminding me that the problems that seem so big and insurmountable in my life are truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

And how fortunate am I to have so many beautiful cemeteries sprinkled throughout Northamptonshire and the surrounding counties. Through research into my family tree, I discovered that many of my own ancestors are buried right under my nose, which only adds to the richness and depth of my cemetery explorations.

In the late summer of 2019, I acquired a van after six years without a car, and my cemetery explorations could take on a new level of adventure and excitement. With a belly full of roast chicken or pork, my partner and I set off on Sunday afternoons like two explorers on a quest for hidden treasure. We braved rain, snow, wind, heat waves, and rainbows, laughing, singing, and munching on boiled sweets as we ventured forth in search of new discoveries.

London Road Cemetery is a quiet sanctuary that holds a special place in my heart. It's the final resting place of my great-grandfather, who passed away in 1999, as well as dozens of other relatives, including a 5th great-grandfather. But what makes this cemetery truly memorable are the little moments that I've shared there.

One such moment was the time I stumbled upon a bin full of dog poo bags in different colours. Maybe it was because I was love drunk, but I found something oddly beautiful about the scene. My date couldn't stop laughing, and I felt a little foolish for finding humour in such a thing, but it's those silly moments that stay with you.

The cemetery is also where I had my most romantic date. My beloved and I enjoyed egg mayonnaise and tuna sandwiches while sitting on a tree stump, and that spot will forever be unofficially ours.

I've seen the cemetery in all seasons, from the vibrant colours of autumn to the blanket of snow in winter, and it's always beautiful. Even on blisteringly hot summer days, when everything looks and smells green, there's a certain magic to the cemetery that can't be denied. And in the springtime, when the flowers are in bloom and the air is alive with the chirping of birds, it's uplifting to stroll among the graves and reflect on the cycle of life. Through every season, London Road Cemetery is a place of peace and reflection, a reminder that even in death, there is beauty to be found.

I remember the time we watched an ancient tree being fell, the smell of fresh wood filling the air. It was like witnessing a piece of history being dismantled before our very eyes. And then there was the time we were followed by a curious cat, always one step behind us, like a feline guardian angel watching over us as we wandered through the peaceful grounds.

We saw some characters there, too. Mad Dog and his mad dog, always a fascinating sight, and the infamous Nathan, a man who seemed to know every inch of the cemetery like the back of his hand. And the time we found a bird that looked like something out of Alien. It was a strange and wondrous discovery that added to the otherworldly vibe of the place.

But perhaps what I cherish most about London Road Cemetery is the hundreds of walks I've taken there, especially during the times when walking was all I could do to escape the pain I felt after losing my children. The serenity and beauty of the cemetery always gave me a sense of solace and comfort, a reminder that life goes on, even when it seems like the world has stopped. London Road Cemetery will always hold a special place in my heart, a testament to the power of nature and the resilience of the human spirit.

The Redamancy of Love

The breeze that came rolling in off the coast was as light as a zephyr, but it carried with it the promise of a perfect day. As the morning sun rose, they took their coffee outside, savouring the chance to sit in the shade and enjoy each other's company. They shared a deep eunoia, an understanding that went beyond words.

Together, they sipped their fika, watching the world go by, the gentle chime of wind bells playing in the background. She was a philocalist, with a love of the world around her that he admired. He, in turn, was her aliferous partner, always ready to take flight and explore new horizons.

As they sat together, they were enveloped in a redamancy, a feeling that their love was the most important thing in the world. They had built a life together, one filled with munificence and kindness, a place where they could retreat from the world and be themselves.

In the evenings, they would retreat to the cosy warmth of their home, the peiskos of the fire filling the room with a gentle warmth. This was their querencia, the place where they felt the most comfortable and at ease. Here, they would lose themselves in a reverie, dreaming of the future they would share together.

As they drifted off to sleep, they knew that they had found something special. Their love was a force that could weather any storm, a thing of beauty that would only grow stronger with time. And as they lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, they knew that their love was the most important thing in the world, a precious gift that they would always cherish.

James Thomas Miller (1876-1960): My Great Great Grandfather

James (Tom) Thomas Miller (1876-1960) lived a fascinating life that began in Warrenby Redcar, North Yorkshire on October 30th 1876. His family later returned to Burton Latimer, where a 14-year-old Tom worked as a riveter in the town's shoe trade. Tom was also a keen and talented footballer and was vice-captain of Burton Temperance FC, the town's oldest-known football team.

Tom married Annie (Fanny) Manning James in 1897, and they had their first two daughters while living at 37 Bayes Street in Kettering. After their marriage, they moved to Duke Street in Burton Latimer, and by 1911 they had moved to Finedon Street, where Tom worked in the shoe trade as a shoe laster.

During World War I, Tom enlisted with the Royal Navy and performed shore-based duties as an Aircraftsman in the Royal Naval Air Service at RNAS Wormwood Scrubs and RNAS Mullion. He was then absorbed into the newly formed Royal Air Force in 1918.

After the war, Tom returned to his wife and family in Burton Latimer and worked as a newsagent before buying the Burton Fish & Chip Shop, which he ran until passing it down to his youngest child. Tom was also known as "Old Tom" in later life, and he died in Kettering in 1960 at the age of 83.

I feel a strong connection to Tom, even though I never had the chance to meet him. Tom was a remarkable man who ran a fish and chip shop in Burton Latimer. It's surreal to think how often frequented the same place without knowing about his connection to it. I was also a football player, just like Tom, and had a successful stint as a professional for Rushden and Diamonds.

In addition to these similarities, I also did my work experience with the Royal Navy as a teenager, which is something that Tom might have found relatable as well. Although I never pursued it as a career, I considered it seriously for a while. Despite the fact that Tom lived in a different time and place, I feel a strong affinity for him because we share so much in common.

However, there is one significant difference between us that I cannot ignore: my skin colour. As a person of colour, I wonder what Tom would have thought about me and whether he would have accepted me as his descendant. While I can't know for sure, I still feel a deep sense of connection to him and the legacy he left behind.

The Life of James (Tom) Thomas Miller (1876-1960)

James (Tom) Thomas Miller (1876-1960) was born in Warrenby Redcar, North Yorkshire on October 30th 1876. Warrenby is a small town in present-day Redcar & Cleveland which was founded in 1873 to house workers at the nearby ironworks Downey & Co and Walker Maynard. It is believed that Tom’s father, Charles, was employed by one of these two companies. 

By 1881, Tom, his parents, and his many siblings had returned to Burton Latimer, to Nichol’s Yard on the High Street. They were still at Nichol’s Yard in 1891 when a 14-year-old Tom worked as a riveter in the town’s shoe trade. 

As a young man, Tom was a keen and talented footballer. He was vice-captain of Burton’s oldest-known football team - Burton Temperance FC. The picture below was taken at the end of the 1893/94 season. Tom is second left on the back row, and to his right is goalkeeper and captain William (Billy) Henry Perkins (1876-?) who went on to play for Liverpool FC, Luton Town FC and Northampton Town FC amongst other teams.

A quote from Tom was printed alongside the team photo in a newspaper article in c.1934.

 “Perhaps there was not the scope to show up in those days as there is today, as there were no League or Cups to play for. The only Cup, as far as I can remember, was one which Mr Bill Cattell gave, and which was played at the Kettering North Park grounds, which he used to own. We reached the semi-final on one occasion, but were beaten by Finedon Excelsiors, who went on to win the cup, beating the then-famous junior team, Kettering Vics. Probably the Finedon Excelsiors were the best junior team of all time. We had many strenuous games, and some exciting times, even in those days; but the Temperance eventually ceased to exist, and it became the Burton Vics., who took its place, and who also did well, winning the North Section of the Kettering United in the final by 1-0; and incidentally that goal came off my legs.”

Tom married Annie (Fanny) Manning James (1876–1963) at St Peter & Paul's Church in Kettering on April 19th 1897. Fanny was the daughter of  Edward James (1852-1881) and Mary Elson (1851-?) of Kettering. 

On their marriage documents, Tom & Fanny are both listed as living at 37 Bayes Street in Kettering. This suggests that Tom and Fanny may have lived together as an unmarried couple for a short time, with Fanny’s parents. After their marriage, they moved to Duke Street in Burton Latimer, where they can be found living in 1901 with their first two daughters -  Winifred (Winnie) Ellen Miller (1898–1977) and Gladys Ada Miller (1899–1985).

By 1911 the family had moved to Finedon Street in Burton Latimer, Tom still worked in the shoe trade, but now as a ‘shoe-laster’. At the outbreak of World War I in 1914, Tom enlisted with the Royal Navy. He completed basic training at Crystal Palace Naval Depot in London; performed shore-based duties as an Aircraftsman in the Royal Naval Air Service at RNAS Wormwood Scrubs in London and RNAS Mullion in Cornwall.

Whilst stationed at Mullion, as a Private, he was absorbed into the newly formed Royal Air Force on April 1st 1918. His enlistment record reveals many details about his physical appearance at the time  - he was 5 ft 6 inches tall, had brown eyes and grey hair, and his complexion was described as ‘fresh’. Tom’s chest measurement was 39 inches and he had a birthmark on his left shoulder.

The record also shows that Tom was engaged in hostilities on five occasions between 1917 and 1918, three times aboard HMS President II and twice aboard HMS Daedalus. Tom’s younger brother Samuel also served aboard these vessels at the same time. In Burton Latimer’s electoral rolls of 1918 Tom’s home address is listed as Roseberry Street and he is recorded as an ‘absent voter’. 

After the war, Tom returned to his wife and family in Burton Latimer, and they continued to live on Roseberry Street until at least 1934. During this time Tom worked as a newsagent at 58 High Street in Burton Latimer. 

By 1935 Tom and Fanny had bought 52/54 High Street - Burton Fish & Chip Shop - which they ran until 1940 when ownership of the chip shop was passed down to their youngest child, also called Tom. After leaving the chip shop the couple moved to 41 Queensway in Burton Latimer where they saw out their days. Whilst at this address the couple are known to have had a red setter called Jess, it is also known that Tom liked to smoke a pipe.

In later life Tom became known as Old Tom, partly to avoid confusion with his son who was also called Tom (James Thomas Miller). Old Tom died in Kettering on October 6th 1960, he was 83 years old. Fanny died nearly three years later in Wellingborough, together they had seven children: