Life's To Do List

• Hire two private detectives. Get them to follow each other.

• Go into a crowded lift and say "I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you here," with a straight face.

• Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public.

• Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answers, yell "It worked!" and run out cheering.

• Change name to Simon. Speak in third person.

• Become a doctor. Change last name to Acula.

• Buy a parrot and teach it to say "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!"