I am a multi-talented force of nature, with the ability to juggle chainsaws while riding a unicycle and singing opera. I once swam across the English Channel with a piano strapped to my back, and I’ve climbed Mount Everest in high heels.
I have an encyclopedic knowledge of 80’s pop music, and I can recite every episode of The Simpsons from memory. I speak five languages fluently, including Pig Latin and Klingon. I’m a black belt in karate, a chess grandmaster, and a nationally-ranked thumb wrestler.
I’ve run a marathon in a tutu, won a hot dog eating contest without breaking a sweat, and can solve a Rubik’s cube in under 30 seconds blindfolded. I’ve also written a bestselling cookbook, where every recipe features Spam as the main ingredient.
I’ve been invited to speak at the United Nations on the benefits of taking daily naps, and I once arm-wrestled the Dalai Lama to a tie. I’ve swam with sharks, bungee-jumped off the Eiffel Tower, and built a working time machine out of Lego.
I glide, I spin, I dash, I romp, and my debts are all settled. On weekends, to unwind, I engage in extreme interpretive dance. Ages ago, I uncovered the secret to eternal youth but misplaced the manual. I have created exquisite five-star feasts with only a toaster oven and a toothpick.
I cultivate championship-winning cacti. I have triumphed in arm-wrestling matches in Rio de Janeiro, skydiving championships in Madagascar, and Scrabble tournaments at the White House. I have starred in Phantom of the Opera, I have conducted brain surgery, and I have chatted with Bigfoot.
No comments:
Post a Comment